This fun little life lesson was made very apparent to me on Friday when I had to inform someone about a huge change in my life.
Despite the news being completely business related and having little impact on the professional life of the person I told and no impact on their personal life they took the news personally and began to lash out at me.
The rest of the day I received jab after jab from them, including going so far as to question my character just because I’m making a professional change in my life.
It’s a good reminder though that I was right about my concerns and I’m making the right decision.
Now I just have to ride out the aftermath for the next few weeks…
Blue Skies Above Storm Clouds
Today’s Monday Mantra:
Focus On the Good
There is a lot going on right now. One of the things up in the air is whether or not something I have wanted since I was about 10 years old will happen or not.
There have been enormous boulders to climb over on this path several times in the past few years. I wish I could say I handled those times well, but I haven’t always. The last major derailment in 2013 was almost more than I could handle.
This week isn’t my final chance, but truly is my second to last chance. I will get an answer this week and if it’s no, then I will have one opportunity, one set of steps to appeal that decision and then the answer will be final.
I know I won’t receive an answer before the end of the day Tuesday, and maybe not until later in the week and I’m having a hard time not worrying or letting it consume my thoughts.
I want to be able to say that whatever the outcome I am content. I really do. I’m just having a hard time because as badly as I want to be able to say that, I’m not there.
For today, I just have to focus on the good.
I need to keep this in mind. I thought I had been, but I had a complete meltdown yesterday that made it ridiculously apparent that no, I have not been keeping this in mind.
While I sat on his lap sobbing trying to explain why I was upset, Homie actually said these words to me. It’s funny because I’ve never showed him this quote. I’ve never told him that I pull up this image regularly to remind myself. But these were the words he said to me in the middle of my meltdown.
It’s not failure if I’m still trying because it isn’t the end yet.
I may have already declared this particular quote as a “Monday Mantra” but it fits for this week.
I have been fighting incredibly hard not to feel stressed out by my particular co-worker. Last week I feel like I kind of lost that battle. By Friday I felt worn out, I felt like I didn’t know how much longer I could last.
I know that’s not really the case. It’s just that by the end of the week I was really feeling late nights, my cousin’s cancer, being sick, and the flurry of things that need to be done before Mergsie’s wedding. I didn’t have the energy left to deal with my co-worker. But I hate that it wore me down so fast.
I only have a four-day work week. I need to focus on being patient with my co-worker, she is obviously struggling mightily and it leaves her feeling stressed and vulnerable. I need to give her grace. But I also can’t beat myself up if I need to close my door for 30 minutes and have some space.
So be gentle with yourself this week, that’s my goal.
Do your best.
I found myself stressed all last week and heading into this past weekend over the details and circumstances surrounding things I need to do. And there was no logical reason to be so stressed by it.
The conclusion I came to was that I was stressed because either I wasn’t satisfied with how I did or because I am fearful of my inability to do the things I need to do this coming week the way I want to.
I had to force myself to stop and remember that I did my best this past week. I was being too hard on myself. And no, admittedly I have not figured out a fail proof way to make this coming week be exactly what I want it to be, but that’s because of the tasks I’ve been assigned and physical limitations surround that. It’s not because I didn’t try.
I’m not going to feel stressed all week or beat myself up. I’m just going to focus on doing what I can with my best effort and a good attitude.
No cool graphic this week. We’re keeping things basic.
Stay the course.
That is all. That’s the important thing to focus on right now.
Now for some other thoughts:
– I have a love-hate relationship with owning a car. I have at various times tried to convince Homie to sell our car. Recently I’ve been off that kick and on an appreciation kick. I have a nice car. I have a comfortable car. I have a safe car. There is something phenomenally luxurious about sitting on your butt in the car letting it do all the work after biking. But I found out on Saturday that it has some significant rust and technically needs a $900 repair. Ugh. Eff cars. Eff snow and rust and GMs crappy inability to make cars for the Northeast.
– My peace lily from my cousin’s funeral has bloomed like crazy the past two weeks. That makes me happy.
– My cousin just got out of the hospital. He’s been there since July. I face timed with him a few weeks ago and he looked about like I expected. A few days after we talked he had a feeding tube put in. I saw a picture of him yesterday and he looks horrible. He’s even thinner than a few weeks ago and my uncle shaved his head because he had lost so much of his hair from chemo. His mom is parading him around like a trophy. It makes me sick to my stomach to see. It’s awful. Seeing him like that yesterday made me doubt my “I’m not going to borrow trouble, technically his chances of survival are about 50/50 right now. Maybe 60/40 but those are still good odds” mentality.
– My other cousin was telling me about a conversation with her boss. She let her boss know about our cousin J in case she needs to take time off. She told her boss that she’ll be fine, she just needs to go home to be there for the rest of the family and her brother. She said “I’ll probably cry for a day and then I’ll be fine and then I’ll take a week or two to make sure everyone else is okay.” And I wasn’t upset with her for thinking that but I realized how little she is prepared for this. I think it will be much worse for her than just a day of crying. But she’s never lost anyone close to her before.
– I’ve had trouble sleeping through the night for the last 5-6 years at least with other periods for as long as I can remember. It’s annoying. It has gotten really bad recently. Last week I tried a couple of things and had 3 or 4 nights where I slept through the night. It was amazing! This morning I woke up at 4 and never fully fell back to sleep. Lame.
– I’m glad I have a husband who is totally accepting of the fact that my schedule for the entire week revolves around the fact that Georgia has a big game on Saturday and I wil do nothing except watch the pre-game, game, and post-game coverage all day.
– I’ve been on a purging kick in our apartment. I suck at managing stuff and I don’t enjoy it. So I’m just getting rid of it. Homie has been inspired and after a week of sorting we donated 3 bags of clothes, 3 bags of household items, and over 200 books.
The Monday Mantra for this week had I been on top of things would have simply been “Relax”.
I’m not good at resting. I really struggle to feel like I’m allowed to rest if every single thing I’ve ever written on a to-do list isn’t checked off.
I planned to take today and tomorrow off back in January. As this week approached I found myself regretting the decision to take time off and feeling like I really couldn’t leave work.
Which, it’s true that after spending the past two weeks with nothing to do the ball finally started rolling yesterday and I had more work to do than could get done in one day. But it’s not my fault that people twiddled their thumbs until the day before I have vacation scheduled.
Homie and I decided that since he is able to take time off this week and I already was off Tues, Wed, and Friday that I would just take Thursday off and we would go to the beach.
After we booked it I only made it about 12 hours before fuh-reaking out that we should cancel, I can’t possibly take time off now, I have stuff to do this week at work and I have a million things to do in my personal life and I need to find a dress for my sister’s wedding ASAP, etc.
But all of those reasons probably make it even more important that I stop and rest for a few days.
So I am forcing myself to put all of the things on my to-do list out of my mind. I’m on the train to Philly for a little girls get away with my two youngest sisters.
I get back to DC tomorrow afternoon and Homie is picking me up and we’re driving to the beach! My bag for the beach is already packed and waiting by the door at home.
And I’m just going to enjoy. I’m going to bask in the luxury of having the resources to take time off of work and travel.