Happy Anniversary to Me

Today is our anniversary.  It is our 6th wedding anniversary and our 11th anniversary for being together.

It seems hard to believe we have been together for 11 years, and even harder to believe we have been married for 6.  We have finally reached the tipping point and have been married longer than we dated.

It simultaneously feels like it was just yesterday, and also good riddance I feel every one of those days.

Some days I feel my soul smiling at how perfect we are for each other.  And other days, it feels like my heart has been broken into a million pieces.  How could someone who is supposed to know me so well, not know me at all?

Some days it seems like we could conquer the world.  And other days, we barely manage between the two of us to make coffee, eat dinner, and clean the floors.  Fine.  We don’t manage to clean the floors on those days.

Sometimes our home is perfect and Homie tells me how much he loves it and how he should have trusted my vision for it sooner and how restful it is to come home to such a clean house.  And other times, it’s hot and small and we brush the dirt off our barefeet before putting them under the covers.

Some nights he holds me and his body spoons mine perfectly and it is the safest home I have ever known.  And others, I wake up multiple times to his elbow in my face.

Some mornings we wake up cuddled together and we never want to leave that place.  Other mornings I am on my side and he is on his and I push his thigh with my foot until he wakes up and turns his alarm off.

Some nights I cry myself to sleep because marriage is hard and frustrating and painful.  And I wonder why in the world this seemed like a good idea, and I wonder how we will ever make it “forever”.

Some days I hope that everyone has someone the way that I have him.  And others, I feel like the poster child for all of the reasons not to get married.

Some days I am thankful that we have grown up together and shaped our futures together.  Others, I think that everyone else must have been right.  We were too young, too naive, too poor to get married.

Sometimes I marvel at how many interests we share and our similar our goals are.  Other times I simply cannot fathom how his brain works and I am certain that we will never be able to reach a compromise.

It has been quite the adventure so far, but to be honest I feel a little weary.  The struggles of the last couple of years have taken their toll and I find myself feeling more like “whoa we made it through the year” than “whoo let’s celebrate”.

I feel like we need to rest and regroup.  And I’m not sure when we’ll have a chance to do that.

But here’s to my Homie and 6 years of marriage and 11 years together!

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